Self in A wild sheep chase

 

A Wild Sheep Chase presents the reader with a cast of characters living through an incredibly chaotic world, where miraculous events happen regularly and yet it is hard to say if there is any connection or significance for any of the things that happen. Through such a chaotic lens, we are able to see how the characters interact with the world, and thus how they see themselves internally.

The first person who presents a clear sense of self is the girlfriend. She does not present the things she must do to get by in the world, such as her prostitution and copywriting, as integral to her character, instead insisting that it is her miraculous ears that are the key to her identity. Since the ear’s strange abilities are what the girlfriend wishes to present as her true self, she is telling the world that she wants to be perceived as unusual, as while anyone can be an escort or copyist, not everyone can tell the future with their magic ears. She goes on to prove her status as extraordinary when she optimistically sticks with Boku through all the strange happenstance that befall him, far past what could reasonably be expected of her. When she leaves the sheep man says that she has lost her ear powers, perhaps indicating that this uniqueness was bestowed by the sheep itself to assist Boku in his mission. Either way, while she presents herself as unusual, when things began to get strange in the Rat’s house, she was not considered “special” enough to stay.

Where the girlfriend presents herself as extraordinary, Boku seems insistent on presenting himself as incredibly ordinary, as can be seen in the scene of their first date. It is hard to pin down exactly why Boku does not want to be noteworthy, but a worthwhile train of thought might be how he as the narrator handles names. In all the opportunities given to Boku to reveal himself to someone, he turns it down, both literally when he gives a fake name at the hotel and figuratively in the cold persona which he presents to people. By the end of the novel the weight of denying his unique personhood has taken such a toll on Boku that in the nightmare chapter after he says goodbye to Rat, he sees the limo driver say to him, “Names change all the time. I bet you can’t even remember your own name,” (288). As far as the reader is aware, Boku might have truly spent so long denying any shred of personhood, and thus personal responsibility, that he simply has forgotten his name by the end. Whether or not something in the experience taught him to stop self-sabotaging in this way, I don’t feel qualified to say.

The Rat offers the most surprising self-definition, as he is willing to kill himself rather than let what once was his body and mind be corrupted by the unstoppable power of the sheep. The Sheep Professor and the Boss were but two in a long line of people who were willing to let the sheep feed upon them until they were nothing but an empty husk without it, all for the promise of power. With such a deal offered to the Rat, it is surprising that he turns it down and instead opts to kill himself with the sheep still inside of him. When explaining why he did it, the Rat says, “I guess I felt too attached to my weakness. My pain and suffering too. Summer light, the smell of the breeze, the sound of cicadas- if I like these things, why should I apologize? The same with having a beer with you… I don’t know why,” (284). This explanation seems counter intuitive at first, as it seems like the things that might make someone dislike themselves, such as their weaknesses, are actually what made the Rat wish to keep his individuality. Having seen the effect of the sheep on the former holders, it makes sense why the Rat might feel that his weak self is better than becoming nothing but a drone. The Rat suggests that even if the main thing that defines his self is weakness, at least he can claim it as his own. Once he is aware of his true self, he is able to appreciate the mundane pleasures of the world, such as the feeling of a pleasant breeze or warm sunlight.

It is hard to say if any of the characters in the novel are necessarily in the right or wrong for living as they do, but it is more likely Marukami merely wanted to present the various ways in which people might choose to live in a world that often defies explanation.

-Luke Ptak